Merry Christmas Santa San.

10 minutes is all it took to take the cable car up the snow covered mountain, two minutes is all it took to drape on double socks, hats and scarves and 10 seconds is all it took for me to fall ass over ears on the soft powdery snow that laid waste to nobody else that day but me. The mountain was a roughly iced cake below our feet, while above us God sprinkled some icing sugar over our heads in order to comply with the cooking instructions so often given by the folks from the food-network. We were also sure not to spoil as the temperature was a balmy -5 degrees Celsius.

A JET from Miyazaki had joined us for Christmas this year and as soon as we saw some snow falling outside we headed for higher ground. By the time we were done snowball fighting, photo taking and for some of us, falling on our bums, we were covered in snow and soaking wet. Our discomfort was however immediately overridden, as a big group of us stood around a kerosene heater, drinking hot chocolate and eating soft dumpling shaped buns filled with warm minced meat. There was a subtle camaraderie as everyone bonded over phrases of `samui desu ne? ` (it`s cold hey) and `hai, totemo samui desu` (yes very cold).

Christmas eve this year was a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll, a little bit traditional and a little bit Japanese. Miss Miyazaki, Roland and I went to Beppu bay to see the annual Christmas fireworks being set off to the tune of everything from `chestnuts roasting on an open fire` to `Hey, hey you, you I don`t like your girlfriend` and these are not your grandmothers sparklers either, these are building shaking, sky igniting, Japanese rockets that explode into hearts, smiling faces and fiery flowers that fill your entire field of vision. The insane spectacle was almost enough to distract us from the fact that we were slowly freezing from our feet to our forefingers. We only thawed out once there was Christmas cake (no, not the fruit and booze variety) in our bellies and presents in our laps.

The next day we roasted a chicken that was surely stolen while on its way to tiny Tim`s house because it looked more like a prized turkey. We then proceeded to befriend a bottle of South African wine and tipsily caught the evening train (no driving even after only one sip of alcohol) into Beppu to go have a look at the 50% off Christmas sales. Roland just, just managed to stop me from face-planting on an escalator, when I tried to travel up on one heading down and all three of us sang carols all the way back to the station.

We all missed our families and friends but the snow, fireworks and two oceans white wine went a long way in giving us a very merry Christmas indeed.

Going to Fukuoka via Bloemfontein

The first thing I could focus on was the condensation, clinging to the car window. Then it was eyelashes and eyelids as my attention diverted back to the improvised pillow that was once my fluffy jacket. Finally my ears caught up to my eyes and I heard Ducky colorfully curse the town we were in as Roland giggled behind the wheel as is his habit when I spin off into haphazard tirades brought on by the annoyance of the moment. I woke up, sat up and rubbed the hour long nap from my eyes, just in time to hear the ass-end of a narrative called `we are going to run out of petrol in Kusu`. Although I feel I am jumping the gun a bit and since I can barely jump a pavement this does not sound like a very good idea.

It all started, as most ambitious voyages do, with some ink laden leather charts, or in our case google maps. The three musketeers (if the famous frenchies wielded computers instead of swords) spent the night before going to Fukuoka (the main city of Kyushu) scouring the internet for maps with as little Japanese as they could lay siege to. Even so my job as `anything but the navigator` did afford me a front row car seat to the other two giving directions as follows: 30 minutes straight, then a slight left into kanji, then turn into kanji, but only after passing kanji, then kanji should be just opposite the kanji.

We opened the door to the ice planet Hoth and raced to the car, only to drive for 10 minutes before having to turn back for a certain blue eyed boy’s international driver’s license. We had barely broken our previous record when Roland missed a turn and we made it halfway back to Ducky`s pond before hitting the express way with a sonic shattering 80 km/ph. It is odd to think that when we hit 90km that I was traveling at the top speed I had reached in a car in the last four months. We spend a few hours mocking Roland for missing the turn, even though neither one of us had seen the sign, which on our way back turned out not to exist at all.

Due to the fact that I have a bladder akin to that of a pregnant woman carrying twins, we had to stop at a service station on the side of the road. Not only was my cold bum rewarded with an electronically heated toilet seat but I grabbed a bagel and a can of hot coffee at the shoppie next door. Frost had settled all along the road and it made me feel for my inland homeys since Hiji is cold but not yet brittle and white.

Ah, and then there she stood, the bastion of foreign food and libations, the bulk buying 7th wonder of Japan, the Costco. For all the tannies reading this, Costco is the American version of our Macro but even cheaper and when you have been eating plastic with a cheese label pasted on for four months, way more exciting. We filled our trolley (that happened to be half the size and twice the power of our car), with huge bottles of tomato sauce, olives, smash, chips, vitamins and man sized bricks of real gouda and mozzarella. I can`t wait to take my mom there, so I can pretend to protest while she buys me proper food and not just toasties and snacks as she refers to my cooking.

After luring Ducky away from the free apple strudel samples with the promise of real pepperoni pizza at the cafeteria, we paid for our wares and dropped a pizza and Fanta filled Duck off at the Sumo. Roland and I then hijacked (we are proper South Africans after all) her car and hightailed it to a 6 story electronics paradise. This place would give our gadget admiring fathers a good old fashioned endorphin breakdown and we would probably never see either of them ever again. On our exit however Roland and I were educated in the school of crazy expensive parking in Fukuoka when our ticket said 600 yen after our hour and a half visit. We ended up spending 3500yen (R350-ish) just parking at a few different places that day.

Once we located the main mall called Canal city we started our (mostly window) shopping with much vigor but a million levels later and hours of nipping into anime Mecca, Barbie boudoirs` and many fashion houses we became expert in the art of loitering. The trick is to park your patootie on one of the many fancy leather couches in front of a trendy little shop and pretend that the lady trying on her fifteenth bag is a good friend of yours or to sit on the little plastic chairs in the basement and hope that people will assume that somewhere in the huge arcade your kids are running around, being valuable customers.

Then it was time to meet some proper South Africans for some proper Indian food in proper Japan. There was much talk of rugby and SA perspectives shared over cheesy naan bread and spicy curry. Every now and then a stukkie Afrikaans would infiltrate the conversation and as can be expected from 6 Saffers our table was by far the noisiest in the restaurant. Then with some overly dramatic hugs (much to the amusement of some Japanese ladies) we said goodbye and still being in happy South African mode, neglected to put in petrol in the main city for surely there shall be on the road.

Ah ha ha, how we overestimated the closing times of most gas stations. Thankfully after passing thousands of deserted petrol pumps a kind 7/11 worker directed us to the only 24 hour station near the town as the needle hit the bottom of the gauge with a sigh. We made it home and had a fantastic trip which will hopefully be matched by our weekend in Nagasaki in a few days time.

I just had a great chuckle last night when I heard Roland read off his Christmas list to his parents and all that he had asked for was an English GPS.


PS. So by the by Ducky is responsible for the cool new blog picture at the top. Ah it pays to have talented friends.

Too many tea-candles!

The petite, pretend princess, self-consciously plays with the coil of rope in her lap while her eight or nine year old eyes dart to the left every few seconds. Her lips are red lacquer painted on porcelain and her red kimono is folded like an origami crane around her shoulders. She does not move as thousands of flashes are set off in her direction. Her eyes alternate between timid and strong and her little toes curl over her wooden sandals. She is the first of three princesses in the parade and she is finally coming home.

The story goes that a mere portrait of the aforementioned young lady was enough to have one of the emperor’s sons travel all the way from the capitol Nara to the city of Usuki to marry this vision and live happily, if not forever after. You see the prince left his bride behind to give birth to their baby girl and went on ahead to wait for her but as is usually the case with stories that inspire festivals, the princess did not make it through the tragic storm that blocked her way and so every year thousands of bamboo lanterns are lit to guide the lost girl back home. 

Red, green, yellow, white and blue carved bamboo lanterns are put up all over Usuki city and if you asked me a few years ago where I think I would be on the 6th of November 2010, I would not have replied with, climbing an ancient, castle stairway lined with flickering fires, muted by paper and bamboo. My word, it is atmospheric, you don’t even notice the new chill in the air as you look over the castle wall at foxes and flowers built with light.

Still had my old camera so instead I stole this superior pic from a friend Her blog

I think I spotted almost every JET in Oita chatting and taking photos of all the little lights. After saying hi, Roland and myself set off on our usual culinary adventure, but we have not exactly been big winners this week as we ordered two plates of fried stomach by mistake, hot on the heels of Roland accidently munching some whale this last Thursday. Oh many free Willy jokes were made but Roland did not find any of them particularly amusing. We did however score some tasty festival food in the end and went to the Japanese version of the Spur for a waffle when we got back home. As we climbed our familiar steps Roland voiced his concern as to whether his stomach will be able to digest the stomach he tried earlier.

One of the stone Buddhas.

Even before going to the festival Roland and I took in some local sites and went to go see the famous stone Buddhas carved out of the mountain. As we hiked up the path lined with towering bamboo and covered with leaves, Roland tried as always to scare me with ghost stories, although this time incorporating a Japanese flair and as always, as we hiked down the mountain he spent his time saying “ok sorry, please don’t be mad, I won’t pretend I heard a scary little girl laughing in the distance again”.

This photographer captured the feeling well.

Instead of saddling up our favorite beast of burden, the ever exhilarating train, we rather gave “ouma” some running shoes and took our little Honda for a brisk walk up a mountain pass. It is just not Japan! It is just not what you think of, if you ever think of this country. It can’t be dense jungle and sun shielding bamboo with not a neon sign or a high-rise building in site. We only saw one other car on our hour long journey up a very winding, narrow road, affectionately christened “the road of death” by Roland. We took the road literally less traveled in order to avoid the toll road but after seeing how scary it is we responsibly decided to not be cheap and take the expressway back.

Our lack of a sense of direction and confusing Japanese road signs had other ideas however and before we knew it we were back on the road of death, only now in streetlight devoid darkness with only those scary trees drawn by Walt Disney to keep us company. I was still halfway through a fast moving complaint when we just stopped. There on the left side of the road, looking straight at us stood a rare, Japanese, wild boar (the same one from princess Mononoke) and her four little piglets. It was absolutely surreal as the five of them with no real haste trotted back into the forest leaving us both speechless and then talking nonstop for the rest of the journey. It was unnerving and enthralling, almost religious but then at the same time it was only five little pigs standing by the side of the road. I don’t really understand why we were so surprised by this scene but either way we were both glad that we had gotten a little lost in the woods.

Andale Andale Arriba Arriba

 

There you are, standing ever so still in the middle of the chaotic ebb and flow of an ocean of people. You are narrowly but always missed by a billion bodies vying for a step in the right direction. Only, while all is brass band noisy, you have tripped and fallen head first into some self-reflection. You stand there thinking of how different your life is now. You feel the delayed rush of air as the trains race off like earthbound dragons, late for work and you see so many images per second that you are hypnotized into a dizzy, sleepy state of mind. Only when Roland slides into your field of vision carrying a bag filled with Mr. Donut goods and two vending machine coffees do you snap out of it with an almost audible pop.

A few months back, the voice shouting at me through the train station loudspeaker may as well have been the teacher from Charlie Brown for all I could pick out from the broken bits of sound but now I appreciate it as what train will be at what platform, when. The red dragon on its way to our neighboring prefecture of Miyazaki is the one we are meant to board and while this should be as easy as two foreigners plus train equals ride to land of mangoes and my South African buddy Buttermilk, the equation is bumped up to higher-grade by the addition of two bags, a pillow, chocolate pies and a futon. It is upgraded to university mathematics when you subtract the knowledge of decent Japanese. After much cursing about getting an airbed rather than lugging our futon around with us, we packed all our luggage in the overhead compartment and took our seats. A different world calls for different embarrassments and Roland and I had moved up from `hey look at that foreign couple` to `Hey look at that foreign couple who brought along their mattress, are they planning to take a nap on the train?`

Looking cool

I underestimated Japan and overestimated my level of boredom when I flung a book into my backpack for the three hour journey. As we left at 6am that morning, the only scenery Roland truly appreciated was the inside of his eyelids but I sat back and watched jungle transform into coastline and buildings turn into surfers and sand. I spotted churches and temples, campers lazing by the riverside and even two trees on two islands tied together with one Shinto rope. As my ears popped and the windows vibrated in the 5th or 6th tunnel I spied with my little eye a big city beginning with M.

Miyazaki, unlike other prefectures (looking at you Oita) has proper beaches.

 Not only was Buttermilk kind enough to let us Tatami timeshare her lovely apartment for two days but when I entered her home my boere-senses instantly started to tingle. There on the table stood a beautiful blushing milktart just waiting to be enjoyed with a nice cup of coffee. She had sculpted this exquisite piece of art in her home economics classroom amid many curios faces. As the smell and taste brought countless memories flooding back, it was time to go make some new ones. We piled into her far less geriatric car and headed to the land of the rising moon. The space museum was a blast (it is jokes like these that I will employ to torment my children one day) and thanks to a wonderful English speaking guide no one was injured while we created vacuums and tornadoes attached to great big Japanese warning signs. We spoke like aliens, composed symphonies with light and Roland stubbornly and after many tries, docked a spaceship to a spaceport. We were attacked by a giant squid (more digitally than literally) and I came to the conclusion that my booty might be a bit too bootylicious for an earth re-entry module. It was only a matter of time until hunger caused us to attach greater value to burgers and vanilla coffee than to space exploration and the dinner bell turned into the death knell for our astronaut training.

Milktart

Roland proving he is just as smart as a Robot.

I am still nowhere near over how funny it is to get the old double take if more than one foreigner has assembled in one place and the fact that we were five non-natives in one car warranted many a triple take. The drive to the world`s second highest (not that Japan has removed the sign that says highest) suspension bridge was gorgeous and green and the actual bridge is so serene and beautifully balanced that you forget to get even a little bit anxious.

On the way back Roland stood on an ancient wooden castle and surveyed his lands while the others in our group assassinated an unsuspecting samurai. Although in Mr. Samurai’s defense, his swords were locked away in a glass box and this makes it difficult to avoid attacks from a rolled up guidebook. As is usually the case, a hard days castle climbing steered us right in the direction of our next meal. This turned out to be some very tasty Mexican food in a very, very Mexican restaurant. It took almost all of my self-restraint not to play with the Sombreros and wrestling masks or to speak like Speedy Gonzales while munching my Quesadillas.

This all belongs to Roland now.

Of course on the journey home the next day Roland and I accidently sat down in reserved seating and had to take down all our luggage, including that ever annoying futon and do the walk of shame back to the unreserved seats. As amazing as our little adventure was, I sat down next to Roland and told him that I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed and getting back home and for the first time in my life, I was referring to Oita, Japan.

and there shall be tug of war...

Oh you can be indifferent, strong willed and hard to sway
But hear the drums and feel the march, I dare you not to stay.

Yes sports day at my school was interesting enough to lead me to poetry; I apologize for this and will not let it happen again.
Ah but what a show. It flirts with you at first, just a little music, just a little speech, and then it courts you more earnestly with every student in the school starting to march on the spot in perfect unison. All the third years are dressed in blue, the seconds in green and the first years all wear red. Even their sneakers match their designated colour and depending on what team you are assigned to, you wear a red or white headband. I was in team the-colour-Ducky-goes-when-she-dares-to-look-at-the-sun-without-sunscreen.

Now the show gets a little more handsy and everyone starts to march with astonishing precision, around the track while holding flags and when reaching the principle giving, (forgive me for not having a better description), a damn near perfect Nazi salute. Nobody is completely impervious to these kinds of theatrics and eventually I could not help but feel proud of the competing students I have only known for two months.

Sports day is not a sports day at all, and is much closer to a games day if we were going to split traditional hairs. The only sport my high school back home and my new one has in common is the relay race. However even here Japan likes to adhere to the maxim of go big or go home. One race involved an entire grade which led to my students going around that track enough times to make Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote dizzy. This inevitably led to the wrong team getting the wrong baton or just a good old four lane pileup. With so many students taking part, there was ample opportunity for one team to gain a substantial lead. The Zac Efron of my school, who is top of the class, top of baseball and top of flirting with the ladies was so far ahead, that when he reached the finish line he turned around and crossed it in reverse. He was later kind enough to serenade me with a moving rendition of `we will rock you`.

The tug of war was a pretty fierce affair that had the girls clinging onto the rope like little monkeys and the boys doing most of the heavy lifting. Where Hudson had long jump, my new school has fight over the huge bamboo logs and instead of boring old high jump these kids have a jump rope competition involving a whole class at a time. Why have a three-legged race when you can have a forty-legged race marched to the beat of one, two, one, two, instead.
Then suddenly all the boys, spaced perfectly apart, stood silently on the field and started to perform some very acrobatic stunts. I do not think I would have gained admittance to this school if one of the requirements was being able to balance on your friend`s shoulders, followed by a somersaulted dismount. It was obvious something was up when all the chubby boys made their way to the front of their little group and sure enough the field of boys transformed into twenty or so human pyramids. I felt for the aforementioned bottom tear when all the pyramids collapsed on command.

And then there was war… The legion split into fighting teams, four man strong, three men acting as cavalry with the rider perched on top of their shoulders and hands. On opposite sides of the battlefield commanders rallied their troops, telling them to fight for honor, glory and the potential girlfriends watching from the stands. The men adjusted their red and white headbands as they listened for the call to arms. All the men rushed towards the enemy, all strategy lost under the sound of thundering feet and the desire for the opposing team`s headband. They crashed into each other as waves and wind, leaving few men not trampled by their own three horses. The heroes of the day shouted with hands held high, clasping the red strips of cloth which assured their victory. The white team would also go on to conquer the day with a mere 10 points.

Isn`t it strange that after only a few months I found myself cheering and shouting for my giggling girls, king Bob and even that kid that keeps calling me freezer. Every day I grow more invested in these buggers and it goes a long way to validating my foray into teaching. As one of my particularly chatty girls ran up to me saying Sensei, Sensei, Sensei and lifting her hand for a well deserved high five, I realized that I like it here, I really do like it here.

We don`t need no education.

My school

(1)Jump out of the little blue Honda, (2) swap outdoor flip flops for indoor shoes, (3) feel a special bond with Surfer-Sensei (so named for his impressive collection of billabong shirts) who also shuns socks in the fiery blaze that is Japanese summer, (4) run up the stairs to the staff room, (5) greet any students I meet with a `good morning`, every now and then substitute with `what up ladies`, get a response of ferocious giggling, (6) Open the door with a loud `Ohayo gozaimasu` (good morning), (7) get back a few mumbles of Ohayo or gozaimasu, (8) sit at desk, (9) stand up and bow when the bell rings for the start of morning meeting, (10) understand nothing said at morning meeting, (11) Start the day.

My coordinates on the map of education has me sitting between Math-Sensei who always expresses great amusement when I proudly tell him the new Japanese words I had learned the previous night while watching TV, as they are almost always words used exclusively by men, and my favorite English teacher. I value Life-saver-sensei more than world of warcraft gold and do not know what I would do without her. Not only does she teach me Japanese, like the kanji for beef so I don`t order liver by mistake but also imparts some slices of sage advice on me, like the fact that cotton tofu is better for frying and silk tofu is best eaten plain. She is also an invaluable teammate while playing Japan`s national sport of bureaucracy.

Silken on the left (Kinugoshi), Cotten on the right (Momen)

Every Tuesday and Thursday we are graced with the presence of snack-time-sensei who instituted the practice of 3-lunch-Tuesday followed closely by 3-lunch-Thursday (We literally eat 3 lunches that day). We all put out our bento (lunch boxes) at the same time and Snack-time-sensei adds whatever food she had cooked that day. It is a hit and miss game that has had me enjoying noodles wrapped in flatbread to planning an escape strategy for octopus on a stick. As snack-time-sensei is also the art teacher, I have been drawn twice and even Roland has been thrown under the paintbrush one afternoon after school. Snack-time-sensei kept muttering about how Japanese men just don`t strike a perfect profile without such a good nose.

Free Japanese pears (Nashi) from a kind teacher

Rooibos tea that I brought for the teachers (one of them made the sign to explain to the other teachers)

There is a fair amount of prep work that goes into entertaining 15 classes a week for an hour at a time. My five English teachers all have different styles and requirements that range from very specific, like `today Furiida Sensei let`s listen to a song and fill in the blanks, please find a suitable song and create a few activities, to `today Furiida Sensei lets have fun. I teach 1st, 2nd and 3rd year senior high school kids ranging from sugary sweet girls to sleepy third years and a few rowdy little characters who are not aware of the fact that I am used to South African kids and so their best efforts come across as chatty with a sprinkle of bad English jokes. My two favorite little chancers call themselves Antonio and King Bob. I have six 1st year classes and all of them are super genki (lively). They all fall head over heels for the games we play and scramble to get the right answers so that they can obtain the holy grail of rewards I employ in my arsenal of motivation: the passport stamp. Collect enough stamps and you are on your way to prize town on a train filled with World cup merchandise and beaded key chains.

My student`s passports

Most classes are a joy and I just have to ask and participation flows like Sake (rice wine) but there is one class that is all boys, except for one poor girl, who also happens to be 3rd years, the most overworked, shy, to-cool-for-school and sleepy year of all. Here I have to really jump up and down and make sure that the lessons do not require any questions directed to the class in general, for all that will greet me if I were to ask anything at all would be that proverbial cricket who usually chirps to let you know just how silent it all just became. Lucky for me this is far from the norm and most of my time is spent pretending to be Cleopatra, playing word bingo, destroying enemy team`s castles or drawing pictures of vocabulary words at the speed of me eating a bag of nick naks.

Before you know it, the clock strikes 4:15 and its home time again. (1) Pack up bag filled with little white boards bought at 100 yen store, prestic and SA flags designed to be placed on the castles I draw for a game of the same name, (2) Stay a little longer than required since it is rude to leave early, although I sincerely doubt my five minute effort is even scratching the surface of diplomacy, (3) Stand at the door and say `otsukaresama deshita` (thank you for the hard work), (4) Swap in and outdoor shoes, (5) get into the little blue Honda, (6) wave at Grumpy-but-loves-crackers-sensei, (7) Start the next mini adventure.

I will have two more prawn tempura Mr Shinkansen

So there we were, two little river rafters bound by an inflatable dinghy and undiluted terror. Well if I am honest the terror tipped the scale more to my side, while more of an enjoyable rush weighed down Roland`s. Imagine if you will, a super tube big enough to accommodate two people on a rubber duck with two holes cut out for two bums, now have that ride take as long as Roland ordering something from a menu and have it twist and turn along the outside of the building, oh and before I forget, paint it all pitch black. You would think that being tossed and turned while absolutely blind, at an insane speed would be enough to terrify Roland, but alas, while I was scared to the point of not even screaming, the only thing my senses picked out of the abyss was the sound of giggling coming from the blond sitting in front of me.

Out of the five super tubes we braved that day, the aforementioned monster was by far the worst and while it was terrifying, it was also exhilarating enough for me to ride that Kraken of the super slide world twice.

The American/Japanese/South African alliance.

The emperor was kind enough to give us Monday off to pay our respects to the aged and so we scored a 3 day weekend. We made the most of Saturday and went to see some tame monkeys that roam around Takasaki Mountain and invited 3 Nakatsu residents to come keep us company for the next 2 days. Our Sunday was spent going up a mountain (just noticed we had quite a thing for mountains this weekend) in a cable car, along a very long ropeway. It was pretty damn high but it is impossible to panic while they pump out Disney music and light jazz all the way to the top. I am not going to lie to you, the view was something else and the only thing that broke the spell was my eventual shouting that I could see my house from there (in my defense I really could see my house). Thanks to one of our guest`s Japanese skills we all drew our fortunes from the little shrine right at the top of the mountain as he translated. Mine was ok but for the second time in a row Ducky got one of the worst fortunes on offer and while she did tie it to a pole to dispel the bad voodoo a wasp followed her and only her for a good 10 minutes.

Getting our fortunes on.

Near the cableway we discovered a little tucked away restaurant and all feasted on rice, onion, beef and broth in different combinations and cooking styles. That evening we all went to my favorite Korean restaurant and Roland and I confidently ordered the wrong thing. Said wrong thing turned out to be pretty good but the party really got started when the right thing finally made an appearance. We love that place so much that Roland has said that the best Japanese food he has had so far has been Korean.
On Monday the South African-American alliance made our way to Umitamago, our aquarium named, sea egg. Here we heard as many sugoi`s (awesome) as we did tabetai`s (want to eat) and if I were any of those fishies I would count my lucky fins that there was a plate of glass separating me from the tourists. I have to admit that when lunchtime strolled over we were all ready to swap the live fish for some of their rice and soy sauce covered cousins. We stopped at sushi train, where a little Shinkansen (bullet train) delivers what you ordered. After stacking up a decent amount of plates it was time for Aquabeat, or as I like to call it, the waterlogged hall of horrors.

Ok, ok I have been known to exaggerate a teeny tiny bit so in all fairness it was not that scary. They have a wave pool and lazy river for those incurable scaredy cats such as myself and the onsen and Jacuzzi really hit the spot after all that sliding and screaming. We were literally the last 5 people out of the pool and while old langsyne was playing as the goodbye music all the staff lined up to bow and say thank you

The next day I served as a judge at a speech competition and tomorrow is autumn equinox day or as Roland and Ducky call it, wooden roller-coaster day. I will be buying a grandma ticket since even the kiddy rides at the theme park we wish to visit would give me post traumatic stress syndrome. I will let you know if those two daredevils make it alive.

An impossible view and an impractical drink.

I will be telling you nothing new by saying that Japan is one massive contradiction. You have heard it before and you will hear it again but that does not tarnish the truth of the statement at all. One minute you are walking, with hair straightened, new sunnies resting on your head, past inventions you have literally never seen before and fashion you have never imagined before in a 6 story shopping plaza that laughs heartily at our malls and the next you are just left of the middle of nowhere, standing on a dam wall decorated with Japanese mythology, drinking a fizzy drink introduced in 1876.

In the battle for my attention, modernity is doing its best to lure me to its side. Shopping in Japan is an art and I am fast becoming a great master. My preferred palette is usually colored in the shades of food. Everything is exciting and tasty and comes in either strawberry or melon. The bread tastes like cake and the cake tastes like heaven. You can choose between 6 or 4 slices as your loaf of bread and they only come in one variation: impossibly thick. They are the kind of slices that only my dad can slice (however, they don`t always have jam on them when given as school lunches, even though my sister and I both don`t eat the stuff). My toaster would never accept this breads advances and I have trouble fitting it in my lunchbox, which is the size of a 2 liter ice-cream tub. The sheer amount of variety leaves your head spinning and not an evening goes by without Roland and me walking to the convenience store to try a new desert. 

Shopping in Japan

We have points cards for Mr Donut, Tokiwa (grocery store), three hardware stores, two furniture stores and the Max Value where you can buy cans of sodas for 29 yen and tofu for 40 yen (that’s about R4 baby). We even have a card to take out DVD`s near our house even though it almost killed the shopkeeper to explain the terms and conditions to us in his best English and most simple Japanese. For all I know the conditions could say that after failing to return any DVD`s they are entitled to me washing their car and giving Roland over as their new personal slave

The other side of the coin is nicely illustrated by how Ducky, Roland and I spent our lazy Sunday. We drove into the jungles of Kunisaki and found the most incredible spot. It was a huge dam wall, surrounded by forests with a view of rice paddies and little Japanese style homes, stone tile roofs and all. Next to it was a tunnel through the mountain that had a chilling echo and Roland could not resist belting out an evil laugh every few seconds. While standing on the wall, admiring the mythological scenes depicted with mosaic all around us, we drank our first bottle of ramune. This 134 year old soft drink has a strange bottle neck that has a marble resting on it. The aim of the game is to pop the marble down into the neck of the bottle and then, if you are not a world class ramune drinker, spray it all over yourself.

Other contrasts appear every minute of every day. Girls here always have their shoulders covered, there is not a spaghetti strap in sight and even short shorts are an endangered species in the 35 degree heat but then there are about 4 love hotels from my house to Ducky`s and very naughty reading material right next to the morning paper.
My school has the fastest internet in the world, literally, but computers so old that I saw `Fred Flintstone was here`, carved on one of them. The paper cutting machine in my office is so advanced that you need a degree in engineering to start it but they hang everything on the walls with sticky tape and stare with slack jawed amazement at my Prestic. I can buy a CD player for the price of four oranges and a digital camera for the price of anything made of wood or stone. I have decided not to pass away while in Japan because a gravestone is the price of a sports car.

It is scary how much fun I am having, my job is more hectic than I thought it would be but it is far from being the salt mines. I will tell you all a bit more about teaching when I get the chance. Oh and thank you for leaving comments, I read them all and miss you guys a whole bunch.

Why can`t I find Orion`s belt.

Walk, walk, walk, bow, Roland says konbanwa (good evening), I say konnichiwa (good afternoon), the little Japanese lady replies with konnichiwa, I smile, walk, walk, walk, bow, we both say konnichiwa, the man on the bike says konbanwa, we both smile, walk, walk, run, nasty sea cockroach in the way, walk, walk, walk, discover a free outdoor gym.

Evening walks in Hiji are made of magic. A mere 5 minutes by cute shoes you will stumble upon the most amazing walkway winding down the coast. It is not really a beach, unless you usually tan on concrete and huge wave breakers but it has a great little path with a small wall protecting you from the biggest of the sea cockroaches and crabs. The path leads you past the ruins of a famous castle and while only the base remains it is still fun to pretend that you are a samurai laying siege to the sheer rock face that is all that remains of the once impressive fortress. Not that Roland and I would climb a heritage site, no that does not sound like us.

Then you stop walking and talking and almost breathing because in front of you lies, according to my Japanese guidebook, one of the most valuable views in Oita. You stop and stare at Beppu bay. A few feet away churns choppy water, annoying the nets cast our earlier that day and across the bay shines a thousand little lights. If you are lucky plumes of steam rise up from every hot spring in Beppu and if you are luckier still a cool breeze rattles at all the bamboo planted along the path. You are close enough to see the trains race between the buildings and the Asahi beer tower changing from white to red as it reminds you to pick up a six-pack on the way home. The four people in Hiji who own a dog, dress them in better clothes than I can afford and let them loose for a few precious moments, while girls and boys on bikes bob and weave through the joggers and strollers cluttering the path.

Oh the many braais we have braaied over the years!

Teaching my teachers the art of the braai.

Autumn braai

 As I mentioned earlier if you walk far enough you will stub your toe on a free gym with benches for pull-ups, sit-ups and pushups and any other equipment a young ninja warrior might require. I could not help but giggle when I first discovered it, since it gives me a vision of a Japanese man dressed in a business suit looking at the gorgeous view and proclaiming that ` people are going to be frightfully bored while standing here or even worse, might feel the urge to loiter around. Best we give them something to do. `

Rising steam of Beppu

This was not however the beach, Roland, Ducky and I turned into a proper `Boere Braai` for my birthday. I stumbled upon a quaint little sandy shore about 6 kilometers from my school. Here you can indulge in a little beach volleyball as the nets are never taken down (this not being SA, nobody thinks to steal the nets and have their own garden volleyball back home) or just get yourself an ice cold coke from a vending machine. Oh yes vending machines are found on beaches, in parks, at school and even on Mount Fuji. I kid thee not. They not only sell soft drinks, cold coffee, warm coffee, fake flavored purple grape juice but with real whole grapes (why Japan, why), green tea, black tea and milk tea but also any beer your heart desires. As for those who were thinking, `wow a beer in a vending machine, how odd` there is more my friend, you can get a 6-pack from the same dispenser and at only a few yen more than you would pay at the shop.

See!!! Mount Fuji vending machine.

 For the price of 2 peaches and a melon Roland and I purchased our very own BBQ, not barbeque, my kids say B B Q letter for letter and scavenged some pork chops and chicken. These were generously spiced with madam Paarman and I took care of the potato salad and braai broodjies. Ducky brought along some of the very tasty Japanese meat and snacks. We ate ourselves into a stupor and then while drunk on Fanta grape and chicken spice we lit two hundred Rands worth of fireworks. At one point we were lighting fireworks with fireworks and I could just see my dad telling me a long story of how someone he knew lost a foot or an eye so I was glad when they all went off without incident. Our little alien gathering must have looked very strange indeed and I image the glow-in-the dark bangles Ducky had covered us in must not have helped. It was a fantastic evening and if it were not for all the stars being in the wrong place it would have felt like home.

Rubber duckies down a slide.

It is almost deathly quiet. A barely audible flip of a page drifts over periodically from the right and the vibrations more than the sound of the air-conditioner adds to the tension that the figure sitting at the desk closest to the wall is feeling. She has delayed long enough; it is time to make her move. Slowly she rises from the desk and instinctively allows her right leg to bare more weight than her left. She slides around the corner and past a teacher sleeping lightly on his arms, it is just before lunch and there are only about six eyes in the staffroom to even take notice and none seem to do so. She curses softly under her breath as her shoes squeak while she takes little steps past the bin busting with recycled bottles. The door is reached by putting one nonchalant foot in front of the other but once outside she starts to run. There is nobody waiting in the corridor and the girl lifts two tissues from her capri pants pocket. The bright sunshine of the outside balcony barely reaches her face as she finally gets to blow her nose.

I know I am being a little gross, but I really miss getting to blow my nose in public or at least when I need to. Here I would get less dirty looks if I were to sing the national anthem in my birthday suit. Something that I expect many of you would not miss however is the lack of `nomihodai` in South Africa. Nomihodai means all you can drink and of whichever poison you have made your mistress. Anything from melon juice to whiskey is on the table for a set price and I know some rugby manne that would make Japan think twice about this little venture.
Well on Friday I experienced my first enkai (work drinking party) with only the fairer sex in attendance. All the lady teachers and myself went to a Spanish restaurant and as I would get some odd looks if I did not at least booze it up a little I chose white wine as my escort for the evening. I did not really over indulge but Roland tells a different story (I think it involves me falling off the couch when I got home but it is best to ask him) and we all had a really great time. I remember speaking a lot more Japanese and I am hoping that, that was really the case and I did not spend the evening chatting in Afrikaans. Either way it was a great way to get to know the ladies of my school and eat some fantastic food. Nothing like a bit of wine to make raw octopus taste like top class calamari.

After sleeping late (which sadly is only till 9am these days), Roland and I met up with ducky and made our way to the water park found not too far from where I live. The three of us lathered up with 2 liters of suntan lotion and jumped into the circular pool that with the help of some strong jet propulsion creates some wicked currents. As is to be expected from the two charlatans I refer to as friends, I was forced via peer pressure to go down the scarily high super tube. I was relieved to see the word yukuri (meaning slow) next to a picture of a little man sitting as opposed to lying down. Ducky and Roland opted for the speed demon option while I yukuried by bum down the slide. Emma even closed her eyes because you can never have enough terror in your life. All said and done it was super fun and I even managed to lie down all the way during one of our attempts.

Our evening was spent at a traditional Japanese summer festival and all three of us were coerced into dancing in a vast circle to the tune of taiko drums and eerie singing. Once again the festival food was amazing and more than twenty people came and thanked us for joining in or asked us to come again the next year. I am slowly getting used to bowing more that fifteen times in one conversation.

Festival food!!!

Summer Yukata!!!

 I have fireworks filled plans for next weekend but more on that later. For now I will leave you with a quote written on the tissue box, standing on my desk. `Puzzling scenes that may come and go in everyday life. They make me feel lovely. And I feel very familiar with them. Let me be one of the things that make you smile`. Oh and you do tissue box, every day.